I haven't written anything in so long. Nothing good. Barely any journal entries. And I think it's cuz of John...

Before we were together, I used to write all the time. About everything. Especially about things that bothered me or made me upset. Any strong emotion I was feeling, I could easily put into words and put on paper (journal, computer, etc) to help me vent or just portray the emotion I was feeling. Anger, hatred, jealousy, lust, loneliness. Everything I felt I wrote. And if not as a journal entry or free verse, as a short story.\

But not anymore.

In the past 14 months, I haven't written anything. Not really. Not like I used to. Not since that December night 2 years ago when someone who I thought had forgotten about me came back into my life. I have never felt so happy since then. Things didn't matter as much. It wasn't the end of the world when things went wrong cuz I knew there was always someone there to make it all better. And for the first time in my life, I couldn't find the words for how I was feeling. Not really. I couldn't express how everything felt good again. How much I felt loved. How much I loved and how perfect it all was(and still is).

Even after what Tom did, I couldn't really write, but I think it was because the feeling was on the polar opposite of the spectrum. Animosity, taken advantage of, betrayed, violated... I couldn't get it out. I still can't. Not really.....

..........

But even then, I know John won't let that happen ever again (and I won't let myself fall for it again), and somehow, that's comfort enough for me that I still can't write...

John's like my writer's block. But I don't mind it in the slightest